I don’t do it well, but I am going to scale back on my overtime work hours.
In my head I’m aiming to do this for the remainder of the year.
However, managing my own personal and mental expectations, I’m thinking if I make it to October I can put that as notch in the winning column of my fictious scorecard.
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The issue is not what I do, or where I work, or the fact that I love working.
My issue is the unpredictability of the Universe and its affects on people and their insane ability to transfer their anxieties.
Or, in layman’s terms … my open door policy needs an “at capacity” sign and an auto lock when it’s nearing its limit.
With that quick fix, I think I’ll be good to go with my plan.
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However, without it, my days extend by hours, which extends into my evenings thinking about my day, which then shows up in my dreams and bleeds over to the next morning, and consumes my need to find the solutions that custom-fits the needs of all, and find them all within the next 2 hours.
And, if I am not careful. And I mean really careful, I begin to feel a purity of thought about myself, one that I loath in others probably more than anything.
The self-serving dreaded Modern Martyr Syndrome.
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The modern Martyr is that solitary warrior-for-good, bound by a force greater than any other one person, in the midst of a struggle greater than any struggle that mere mortals could ever comprehend or attempt.
Yuck.
Even now, I’m finding it uncomfortable just thinking about it.
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I mean, it’s one thing to be in the middle of an actual conflict (war or domestic) and carry the weight of a conflict and its outcome as it washes over souls, physically harms people, and changes the present and future forever.
It’s quite another thing to apply a tireless mystical journey to logging into a job and answering questions about workflow logic and processes. Or feeling it a heavy burden to have to go to both the grocery store and put air in the tires.
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So, I’ve got to watch it.
Because of the many notions I don’t want swimming in my head … that one seems to have the ability to camp out in the human psyche under the guise of duty over boundaries.
And, if permitted, the Martyr message takes up residence in an external narrative that takes you from being someone who is just “doing their job” to … well … quite simply … someone who’s just being a dick.
Yeah, and on that note, I think I’ll be putting down this sword and armour, and follow the sign outside my proverbial door.
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Moving on …
For the last 10 days, I have been witness to Canadian Geese migrating.
It’s been “V” formation after “V” formation of geese honking and passing by and above this ninth-story flat.
I didn’t do a one for one count, but gestimating with each day, it’s been for sure over 1,000.
Wild to watch.
Happy Saturday.