I’m feeling sorry for myself. It doesn’t happen often.
99.56% of the time, when I begin to feel lopsided, I say to myself: Self! Look around this Universe! Drink warm tea! Stay awed by Nature’s light! Listen to a comedic podcast! Research the origin of a word (that’s etymology for us nerds)! Watch a game! Write an email! Read a book! Go for a drive!
But today? Well, today … sigh …the cape’s at the cleaners. Leaving me to explain what has me strolling through the blues.
Warning: I’m about to curse. I know it’s cheap. I do know better. I apologise.
First. I despise Halloween – The idea of strangers knocking on my door stresses me out. Also, I live a city where year out it’s not necessarily clear if someone is dressed for the day or wearing a costume.
Then, Sean Connery died. I know he was older. I read he was unwell. I heard he was a bit of a prick. Bond aside, I recently watched The Untouchables. He was fucking brilliant. None of that know-it-all smirk acting in those superhero movies. Nope, that performance made Costner come off like Brando.
The last time I was at my local we were wishing the World a speedy recovery, and toasting when we’d see each other next. That was March 17th 2020. Tomorrow is November 1st. What. The. Fuck.
I’m worried about the election. Speaking of blue, I voted for Joe along with many of my peeps … but we don’t live in Pennsylvania, and we aren’t middle America.
Wikipedia’s 486th “one time only” passive aggressive “you’re a selfish mooch if you don’t give us money” message makes me want to boycott that site.
44 million cases (minus the totals China’s not reporting). 1 million souls lost (minus the totals China’s not reporting). 100,000 dead in New York State alone. Europe on the rise. UK on lockdown.
I haven’t walked in an airport since February, which means I haven’t used my passport, which means I haven’t been to England, which means I am missing my life there.
As a rule I don’t want for things. Right now, however, I’d like a private jet and a private island.
My once salad diet has turned into dining on roasted peanuts and slices of pepperoni.
The Reading Room I made about a month ago? Yeah, well, it now has a water leak in the ceiling, which means the landlord service has to invade my hobbit hole, and that scheduled visit always comes with useless advice about “lowering my standards” when it comes to renting an old house.
Lastly? I parked my car under a tree 10 days ago. The next morning sap blanketed the entire vehicle. Two car washes and driving 2 hours in a Cat 2 Hurricane later … its “dolphin grey” colour remains “sticky ick vomit brown”.
Sorry, finally. After today, that’s the end of bacon ’til I put on a fucking mask.
You may be winning thus far. But by this afternoon, I expect to find you gone.