I couldn’t sleep last night.
Grief took a hold of me on Thursday night and stayed with me all through Friday.
At some point during the day, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and could barely see my eyes. It was all just so heavy on my face. I looked a thousand years old.
So, without worth of a lie, I decided Friday evening I was going to simply get drunk.
After the work weekend bell “rang,” I drove over to Mr. Kim’s local store and picked up a bottle of Chardonnay and a 6 pack of ultra beer.
The idea was not consume all of it, but just to have choices.
That was the plan.
But three sips in, and my intention lost its legs.
I didn’t feel like drinking. I didn’t care for the taste. I found holding the glass a chore. I found it forced and unnatural. I found the idea of hanging out with booze to be as unpleasant as having to entertain an idiotic houseguest (you know, the kind of person you can’t wait until they leave).
When the soul and brain kick in like that to tame self indulgence, it’s a fairly solid indicator that you’re doing okay. You may not feel great. But at least you know that you’re about 99.9% on the secure side of mental health.
So, I grabbed a tall glass of cool water instead, and opted to immerse myself in the world wide web of funny people saying funny things.
First I employed the comedic talents of Bo Burnham. Which ended with his sincere amusing song about facetiming with his parents during the pandemic.
Then I kindly requested Ryan Reynolds just be Ryan Reynolds:
After those two, I did a hang with John Mulaney, Wanda Sykes, Bill Hader … Anchorman 2 Bloopers …
At some point my auto reel (is that a thing or did I just make that up?) switched over to Parks and Recreation outtakes.
Last I looked at the time, it was heading towards 4 am.
When I woke a few hours later, it was daylight and my laptop was at the login screen.
My laptop never reboots on its own.
I’m thinking the shut down had more to do with memory exhaustion than some operating system update necessity.
And just that silly technological thought made me smile as I got out of bed to make myself a cup of coffee.
Needless to say, things have been a little lighter today.
Thanks YouTube. Oh, and Acer Electronics.