Recently I’ve needed to scan documents.
Snapping docs on my phone is okay when it’s one or two snaps. But it doesn’t really cut it when it comes to multiple pages of official documents.
*******
I’m not in any trouble, or planning a business venture.
No, nothing like that.
It’s just that it is tax season, and I have an extra step this time around that has to do with the sale of parents’ house last year.
*******
For sure I could have gone go over to my brother Drew’s place and used his office equipment.
But something in the Universe yesterday said rather sternly to me: Grown up Finnegan.
So, I drove to Target.
Probably for the first time in three years.
*******
I am not a physical shopper.
Far from it.
What people call “Retail Therapy” I call a waking nightmare.
When I need something, I’m an online shopper.
Without worth of a lie, I truly believe and brag that Amazon was created just for me.
But the online delivery “today” timeframe had passed, so off I went to the land of cars and carts and check out registers.
*******
What a humongous warehouse world filled with everything AND the kitchen sink.
My path was electronics, and electronics is in the farthest reaches of the building.
Of course, it’s purposely designed that way to passively entice you into also buying a shelf, those towels and that summer dress.
Walking more steps than I normally do in a week, I absolutely thought en route through the store: Awww, that’s a cute colour …
*******
The electronic department can be confusing for mere mortals like me.
Because, minus laptops and the wall of televisions, without research or being told, I could not tell you what any of that stuff does.
I mean, seriously. I walked down an aisle twice before noticing that I was in the phone accessory section.
Simply clueless.
Anyway, as luck would have it, Ben in his red Target shirt was one lane over.
*******
Ben, I asked, do you have portable scanners?
And with that, a 6 foot tall dude looked down at me with a tipped puppy-dog head … Like I had just spoken in a language he had never heard of before.
But Ben recovered and typed something into his phone.
*******
Whilst we waited, I noticed that we were standing in front of a shelf filled with printers in boxes.
As if triggered, my inner monologue kicked into a stream of consciousness.
Wow.
I’ve not owned a printer in 10 years.
Man, look at the size of those things.
Wait.
Aren’t printers scanners too?
Oh, hell no, I’m so not going to get a printer.
Where the f*ck would I put it?
Is Ben going to make me buy a printer?
*******
Ben broke into my internal rant with a: Sorry, nothing’s coming up. Yeah. I guess we don’t have scanners in this store.
And the way he hesitantly said the word scanners made me realise that Ben had no idea what a “scanner” was.
Then I, for some reason, added with air quotes and a laugh: Hey, no worries. I don’t have a “scanner” either.
Which made Ben look back at me with a kindly but forced smile, as if I had just used the word decilitres.
*******
Eesh.
What am I?
108?
*******
Done with Target, I walked the half mile back to my car, without looking left or right, and promptly ordered a $119 portable scanner from Amazon.
It’s supposed to arrive today.
If I know me, I’ll use that thing one time, then ask Drew if he needs another scanner.
So much for being a grown up.
Happy Sunday.
*******
Happy St. Patrick’s Day.
Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig ort!
/Byan-okht-ee nah Fay-leh Paw-rik ort/