Yesterday I felt like I had aged 10 years in 11 days.
Not in body.
Not in aches.
But, rather, in mind … in expression … in view.
And it made me so sad to look at me in the mirror. I looked so … faded.
*******
One doesn’t require a therapist to figure this out.
A displacing house fire and its consequences are to blame. Mix that with three flights out to not allow flames to ruin my scheduled travel plans. And a work week that was excessively long.
Really though? The last two are constants, it’s the consequences that are bringing me down.
*******
The fire is out.
The insurance company gave their compensation for my things. Turns out my smoke damaged possessions are worth $4,500 to replace.
How funny is that?
The stuff I’ve kept me from one place to the next … totals up the price of a mattress, a sofa, a few rugs, underwear, tops, trousers and 200 now smelly second hand books.
*******
I used to boast (more to myself than aloud) that if I had to pick up and leave, I could do so in less than 2 hours time.
Turns out, I was right.
On Monday, I removed the valuables in now time flat. The rings. Marcel, my stuff monkey, who has been with me since I was 9 (he’s my Hobbes, for any Calvin fans out there). My Mum’s hand knitted bedroom blanket.
On Tuesday I went back for a quick once over, and removed things I could not replace. Like my Mum’s Christmas ornament. My music storing laptop. My Dad’s newspaper obituary.
Wednesday? I removed myself, and left the country.
*******
For my family, friends, and people at work, my story is two day’s shy of being last month’s news.
Yeah, sure, I have to move in about 4 weeks time.
Yeah, sure, moving is a pain.
Yeah, sure, every place I’ve seen online has bars on windows.
For me though? The leftover of that thing that happened almost two Sundays ago continues to linger.
*******
What’s more so, what’s throwing me off, is that this unwelcomed overstaying “guest” is affecting my ability to see faces in clouds and channel the contented hippie bird brain that is the sum of me.
I feel like I’ve lost my sense of humour for the absurd.
Stuff isn’t pretty. Stuff isn’t funny.
Am I missing my inner child?
You absolutely bet I am
And I’m feeling a wee bit lost without her.
Here’s hoping she’s simply taking the long way home, and waiting to tell me all about it when she gets back.
Happy Saturday.