I’m feeding a cold … and winning.
Desperate to protect my nose from growing the size of a volleyball, I’ve made it my mission to take this cold DOWN. Yesterday was a sudafed day, as was early this morning. There’s chicken soup waiting for me in the kitchen, along with one more cold pill before a wee nap this afternoon. And I’m ready with backup aspirin and tea.
Only thing missing is Vitamin C, which I could venture out to buy if I didn’t mind frightening unsuspecting shoppers with my wild hair and moccasin slippers.
I’ll tolerate a cutie patootie ah-choo here and there. That being said, I’m giving this uninvited guest one more day, then off it must go. It’s almost the weekend for god’s sake. There are things to do and stuff to ponder. I can’t be bogged down by gross tissues.
I know, right?
This hasn’t always been the case … being able to look forward to my free time. Not too long back, and for a few years, I dreaded weekends. Time off for me meant time to be all too aware of the screaming silences around every bend. Man, was it deafening and isolating.
I’m not talking about spending time alone.
Truth be told, I often need solitude. It helps me recharge my mind and soul. Sometimes I prefer it over not. And not minding has served me well because, for most of my adult life, my good friends have lived elsewhere. Han in Texas. Angie in Mississippi. Tina in Tennessee. Rinna in Vancouver, and Hannah in Atlanta. I never had a crew to ring up and hang out with. The locals I did know came as a package deal, part of sharing a life with another person. And when that relationship dissolved, so too did those people disappear. You can’t blame people for detaching when they never belonged to you in the first. My Core 5 are in it for life, regardless of where they reside.
No, my dread was different from being alone. Rather, the screaming silence I am referring to is the punishing beast known as Regret. Even though deserved and anticipated, it was never more mentally paralysing than during the weekends in my flat. I can only describe it as 48 hours of relentlessly being surrounded by circus mirrors and circus music, with no way out.
Nothing fun about that house.
I would physically go to another country or state just to avoid an idle weekend at ‘home’. Ever been to a foreign country for a weekend? I have. It ain’t cheap. I couldn’t wait for a Monday morning meeting.
Thankfully, since June of last year, that demon has been quelled and my weekends have become something I look forward to …
Going out for a bite to eat and coming back. Exploring new places just around the corner. Visiting family in the area. Chatting on the phone with someone who finds me charming as I pace comfortably bare-feet. Or something simple like wondering what these cottage walls would look like if they were painted orange or green or purple or yellow …
All harmless and all done without a single hint of urgency to be some other place than were I am. The silences surrounding me these days offer possibilities, new stories and future plans. And it’s wonderful to participate in that again.
So I’ll tolerate this cold for one more day, but come Friday, out it goes!